So I’m guessing if you’re reading this you may have an idea what I’m going to write about.
I bet you thought you were alone.
Well you’re not, and if, by writing this , I can help one parent feel less alone, isolated, ashamed, embarrassed, guilty , gut wrenchingly sad, then it’s worth it.
Im so sorry. For you, for me. This was not supposed to happen, however DID it happen? I’m not talking about family rows, arguments, those we can get over, past , they can be negotiated, compromises can be made. No, I’m talking about when your adult child makes a conscious decision to cut you out of his/her life. Not for reasons of abuse or neglect, that’s another thing entirely, but because they no longer have any use for you, they don’t agree with your life choices, or they choose a spouse who is not interested in being a part of another family. Maybe yours is a different reason, but the result is the same.
For me it was the latter reason. My formerly loving son met a girl , or rather, she moved in on him, after his long term relationship finished. It was ok, she wasn’t overly friendly but I kept trying. He was my son, this was his girlfriend, of course I tried. All went reasonably well until she got that ring on her finger and then BAM!!
Im going to tell my story over a few blogs, it’s a long, sad story and there is no happy ending. I’ve lost my son, and I don’t understand so many things about this estrangement business. I’ve learned not to waste my time with ‘why’? but accepting a situation you don’t understand is so hard. I’m lucky enough to have two other children, a daughter and a son, who are kind and loving and have supported me these last few years, yes my friends, years. The purpose of sharing is to bring this growing trend out into the open so parents may seek help and gain support through the grief of losing a child who has left you by choice, not through death. To make people understand that in these special circumstances, it really doesn’t matter what you do or say, or how you beg , these selfish, entitled young adults just don’t care.
Watch this space.